How I found Peace, Balance and Sanity While Fighting Cancer

My name is Ken and I've been battling cancer for four long years.

As you know, there are many different cancers with multiple levels of severity. I do not profess to understand all the treatments and medications used in cancers other than my own. I have Stage Four Prostate Cancer.

In addition to prostate cancer I have also been saddled with two minor strokes, a trip and fall accident that left me with a shattered humerous bone in my right arm, a neurogenic bladder and a life sentence of having to self catheter five times a day. Yes, you could say that at 70 years old, this body has some miles on it:-)

I'll be honest, I've had a lot of difficult times, but through it all I've been determined to fight on my terms. I would do whatever I could to make my day to day life as best as possible under the circumstances.

I made this decision, not just for me, but also for my wife Joyce who has been my caregiver every step of the way. I know how hard my medical issues have been on her, so anything I can do to ease her stress and worry, I will.

I know many cancer patients and their caregivers who are stressed to the max and overwhelmed, And who wouldn't be? Just learning that you have cancer would understandably set anyone off the proverbial mental cliff!

That was me four years ago at the age of 66 years old when I first learned I had prostate cancer. I received the news in the worst phone call of my life, when the doctor said the words that I'll always remember, "I'm sorry Ken, but the tests all show that you have prostate cancer!" I won't lie, I started to cry as it felt like everything came crashing down on me all at once.

I had so many questions, so many unknowns. Was I going to die, and when? What was my life going to be like during the time I had left? I'm sure I'm not alone in my reaction to the news.

Things were very difficult at first. Not just the physical tests, but it was the uncertainty that was the hardest to deal with.

Eventually I adapted and accepted my new reality and I became determined that I was going to try to be in control as best as I could, and not be a willing passenger on this, the most challenging journey of my life.

Over the years, I developed a number of simple habits and ways to make my bad days better whenever possible. I am now offering these to you in the hopes that they will help you as well.

Before we continue, I need you to understand that I am not a doctor, medical professional, psychologist or therapist in any field related to health or well being. I am just a patient, probably much like yourself. Please know that everything in this blog comes directly from my own personal experience and is not conjecture in any way. In other words, please consider my comments and opinions as if you’re listening to a trusted friend, and not a trained medical professional. I will let you know what has improved my life with cancer but I will stop there and leave the healing to the folks that actually know how to heal. 

Please do not expect this information to cure you. It will not. I do not talk about medications, treatments or speculative healing practices, proven or otherwise. However, what I hope to do is give you the tools to control and manage your own journey and help you turn your bad days into better days.

During my personal journey through my own medical minefield of tests, treatments and new realities, I continue to try and  understand what I am capable of and what is beyond my mental and physical abilities. This can be a very hard pill to swallow at times.

Probably the greatest epiphany I have had, is the importance of self-confidence that I will get me through each obstacle on my way to regaining at least some of my old life back. I’ve found it is more important to focus on today and let any concerns about tomorrow wait until tomorrow. In other words, I maintain the attitude that I don’t have a problem, until I have a problem.

So with that said, I would like to offer you my collection of tips, techniques and practices that have made a huge difference in my life as a cancer and stroke patient.

I urge you to use any or all of these that you are comfortable with. I understand that we all have different capabilities and some things may be too difficult for everyone. That's fine, I suggest that you to just do what you are comfortable with. This is not a competition.

I can assure you that each one of the following techniques has made a marked improvement in my life by reducing my pain, stress, concerns and anxiety, and I truly believe they will help you too.

If you have any questions or comments I invite you to send them to me by entering them in the "Questions or Comments" in field located in the Top-Right corner of this blog.

Good luck in your journey.

Sincerely, Kenneth  

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Thank you for reading, and for caring.

Kennethlanesmith@gmail.com

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FORWARD TO PART II

Tips and Practices For Better Days Part II

Now it's time to share the 17 ways that I use to help me cope with the stress, pain and anxiety of my medical issues and hopefully make your bad days a little better. 

These are not in any particular order as they have all been equal in their positive effects on my physical and mental state. I encourage you to consider each one and discover what works best for you. 

My goal of sharing these techniques is to provide you with some mental relief and keep your stress levels to a minimum. 

1: Accepting The Way Things Are

When I came out of my initial operation to fix my crushed bladder and shattered shoulder after my trip and fall accident, I did not know how my life would be forever changed. It wasn’t until a few months later when it was determined that I would not be able to urinate naturally for the rest of my life.

When I had my stroke and could not walk or do many normal life functions, I slowly began to understand what my capabilities would be going forward.

When I was diagnosed with cancer, I didn’t know if I would live or for how long.

All of these were life altering events that I had to somehow come to terms with. I decided to accept my situation and get on with it. I was better off accepting my new reality, than denying it.

The stroke was a hard one to deal with because it took a long time to regain some of my former physical and mental functionality, some of which I continue to work on to this day. I don’t like it, but it is what it is, and there’s nothing I can do to change that other than try to move forward.  

The cancer was no different because I was initially told that the cancer could kill me in nine months unless I proceeded with the doctor’s recommendations. I had to accept all those realities and fortunately I’m still here to tell you about it. 

I consider this one of the most important steps I finally accepted. Once I did, I started my personal journey towards progress.

2: Changes in Gratitude - Changes in Attitude

I am extremely grateful and fortunate to have had the medical team around me that I have had over the past four years. Without exception every doctor, specialist, technician, nurse and support staff have been outstanding in every sense of the word. I have no idea how they can remain so upbeat and positive every day when surrounded by such pain and misery. 

I cannot claim any credit for their sunny dispositions by me trying to remain upbeat whenever possible and not be a complainer. I think it must come naturally for them.

I learned many years ago that the reactions we receive from others in any interactions, is usually a direct reflection of how we project ourselves to them. If I'm projecting a miserable disposition, it shouldn't surprise me if they have a negative response to that.

I have witnessed many cases of patients who have no respect for the work that our medical professionals do for us. They curse and swear at medical staff, yelling that they don't know what they're doing, or that they are only in it for the money, and then they wonder why those professionals aren't so keen to want to help them.

We see these types of interactions in all walks of life and I don't understand how someone could expect to be greeted with a smile and treated with respect after berating someone with a super sized helping of profanities, rudeness and insults.

I know that when we are in pain or very stressed, it may be easy to vent our frustrations, but I try to take a deep breath and remember that I will always receive in return what I project, and that positive gratitude on my part creates a positive attitude.

3: Walk Around The Block

I am not a big fan of traditional exercise and I have the body to prove it. The type of exercise that I do enjoy however is going for walks around my neighborhood whenever the weather cooperates. I find it really helps me relax and gets me out of the house.

I have met many other folks on the route that I walk who also have a variety of medical issues, and we will walk together and chat about anything that get our minds off our troubles. 

I am very comfortable striking up conversations with pretty much anyone. Even if I don’t know them, we will share a nod of the head to acknowledge each other, say hello, and maybe comment on the weather. Then I look for a simple light conversation starter.

For example, if I see they have a piece of garden equipment I’m not familiar with, I’ll ask them about it. Just recently I have been thinking about buying a battery powered lawn mower and I noticed a guy around the corner from my house using one, so I simply asked, “How do you like your new mower?” or “Do these mowers have enough charge in them to do your entire lawn without running out of power?” 

Nothing probing, just a friendly chat between neighbors. Often a causal neighborly relationship is formed over time that we both benefit from.

I have met dozens of nice folks like this and ultimately I often discover that they are also dealing with medical issues. I guess that’s par for the course when we there's so many of us who are getting up in years. Relationships like this really are good for me to keep me relaxed me and get my mind off my troubles.

Now I must say that my original trip and fall accident, strokes and cancer has negatively impacted my ability to walk and greatly reduced my stamina. I tend to get very tired after a certain amount of walking and often look like I’m inebriated as I stagger and swagger down the sidewalk. I make sure to explain that I’ve not been into the sauce during my early morning walks.  

My other preference for exercise is golf. 

Joyce and I used to be very avid golfers before I was sick and although I am no longer able to walk an eighteen or even a nine hole course, I now have to take a power riding golf cart. 

Sure it is not the same amount of exercise I used to get years ago when we did walk most courses, but I’m getting outside in the fresh air and sun, smelling the flowers and listening to the birds. This does me a world of good by helping me forget about my health for a few hours. 

I cannot golf anywhere near as well as I used to, but at least I’m enjoying myself, plus I find that golf is a very social game when we team up with another couple for a round! I find it very therapeutic! 

I’m sure there are many other types of physical exercises for those that have different interests and physical abilities but walking and golf are a blessing for me.

4: Getting Crafty

I have a very strong need to be creatively productive. My first choice for releasing my creative energy is writing short stories. Some of these are humorous (well I think they are funny:-) and some are inspired by the old episodes of The Twilight Zone TV show I used to watch back in the 1960s. I don't ever expect to become another Stephen King or Dave Barry, but I find it very relaxing to write.

Because I spent the last 20 years of my working life as professional landscape photographer where my creativity took the form of the visual, I miss the challenges of that and I will still take my camera with me when I'm out and about.

I started compiling the thousands of our family and vacation photographs into simple slideshows and turning them into Youtube videos that we can watch on TV to be enjoyed for years as wonderful memories.

I have a lot of other interests as well, including experimenting with cooking recipes. Some are hits with Joyce, but let's just say, you can't win 'em all:-)

I use to do simple woodworking projects like building curio cabinets, pirate treasure chests and hope chests for my kids and nephews, but I don't have those skills anymore unfortunately.

Finally I am still a bit of a Mr. Fixit type of guy. If something like a coffee maker or gas lawn mower stops working, I will have a go at repairing it. I still enjoy a challenge!

5: My Secret to Pain Management

Pain can be debilitating and at times can be relentless and constantly top of mind.

There were many times when I was in a lot of pain after being sliced and diced during operations. My stomach looks like a gutted fish, and my upper arm is scarred from the incisions where they inserted a large stainless steel plate and screws to keep it from falling off.

I was taken off the opioid meds after being discharged from the hospital, so I was popping extra strength pain killers like peanuts when I needed them. I’ve always been very careful with any meds, not wanting to overdo it, by keeping a balance between pain management and needing more relief than necessary. I was aware of what the maximum dosage of Tylenol was and never exceeded it. There were many times that I had to count down the minutes until I could have another pill.

I developed a mind control technique to trick myself into more effective pain relief by telling myself, “I will be in less pain in an hour”. This became very effective and as time went by, I would extend it to longer periods of time before relief came. This did two things, it conditioned me to honestly expect that things were going to be better soon, and it also dramatically increased my tolerance for pain.

I kept this up by telling myself, “I know I’m in pain now, but soon I will not be in pain”, and I really and truly believed it. I found that this was a very powerful and effective tool that I came to rely on for relief.

6: It’s Not Fair

There were times when I might have looked at a situation and feel that what has happened isn’t fair. I’m not sure I understood the logic of that but eventually I come to realize that this is a waste of potential healing energy.

I learned that if I accept the “It’s Not Fair” mantra, then what I would really be saying is, why did this bad thing happen to me? If that’s the case then shouldn’t I also be asking “Why did this good thing happen to me” when something goes right?

I’m sorry, but I am not really an “Oh woe is me” type person. I think it is very self-destructive and counter productive to what I really need to get better and move forward. 

I have seen so many people in the health care system over the last few years who are in absolutely terrible shape with horrible disfiguring injuries, illnesses and mental struggles. And to make their situation worse, being alone without a loving and capable caregiver. I cannot allow myself to feel sorry for myself, and therefore the phrase  “There but the grace of God go I” springs to mind whenever I see someone in such terrible condition. I am honestly so grateful that my medical issues are trivial compared to others.

So as challenging as my situation has been, I now refuse to say, “What has happened to me is “Not Fair! because it could always be worse!

7: Swapping War Stories

I am a real big believer in sharing my story. Just the act of talking about what I am going through is very therapeutic for me. 

I have a very good friend Bob, whom I share my concerns and stresses with, and he does the same with me. It makes for a bond of easy conversation between us as we work through our medical events.

This relationship has been a very positive win-win for both of us by sharing our stories, we know we’re not unique or alone in our concerns.

I have another friend that I call my “Cancer Buddy”. His cancer is very different from mine, but we have both benefited by sharing our experiences with our health care. Unfortunately he had to move to the other side of the country last year and the last I heard, his situation has worsened. We used to have long walks and I know I always felt better after sharing our updates. I know he did as well.  

I have no trouble striking up a conversation with other patients I meet during my hospital and clinic visits. I am also aware that not everyone wants to talk about their condition. I try to not be that person who shares their entire medical history with someone moments after first meeting.

In fact, sharing my story is what I’m doing right now in this blog! 

I am equally interested in hearing other people’s stories of their own medical journeys. I find it is very helpful when it helps ease the minds of fellow patients that are confronted with the anxiety of the multitude of treatment options and tests.

8: Laugh and The World Laughs At Me

I have no problem laughing at myself, in fact self-deprecating humor is my style!

Maybe it is a defense mechanism to laugh at myself as a way to combat my stresses of some of the treatments I have had to endure. Either way, it helps me, but there is an added bonus for me when I share some of my comical situations with others, it helps them feel better about things. That is a bonus for me!  

If you need a chuckle and want to read a couple of my anecdotes about some of my medical "adventures" click HERE:

********************************************** Comments

If you have any questions or comments I invite you to send them to me by entering them in the "Questions or Comments" in field located in the Top-Right corner of this Blog.

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        BACK TO PART II                FORWARD TO PART III

                                                                              

Tips and Practices For Better Days Part III

                        9: My Inspirational Mantra

When I was released from the stroke rehabilitation center, my capabilities were extremely impaired. Simple things that used to be a normal part of my life, were now major challenges. Trying to make my way from the sofa to the bathroom, or navigating a few stair steps on my own were suddenly major challenges.

I suppose my motivation for creating a mantra for myself was part anger and part stubborn determination. Damn it, I wanted my life back, and I wasn’t going to rely on Joyce for any more than I had to, if it was at all possible. Eventually I made good progress, to where I am today by constantly reciting my personal mantra.

I repeat this mantra every day and try to live by it. 

It simply states my goals in very clear terms towards my recovery and there’s hardly a day that goes by where I don’t remind myself of them. I find it is incredibly important to remember that my journey back is getting closer, but still far from over to get back to my old life.

Please feel free to use this for yourself, or develop your own mantra that is more in tune with your strengths and determination. My daily mantra is:

I will do whatever I am able,

Whenever I am able,

For as long as I am able

It is very simple and easy to remember, especially when I am presented with a challenge to my current abilities. Fortunately those challenges are becoming fewer and fewer as time moves forward.

10: Keeping Score

One of the best ways I found of keeping my head on straight was creating small goals for myself. After my initial accident, I didn’t really realize it at the time, but I was entering a completely new phase of my life and it was nothing like I could ever have imagined. 

I needed a major attitude adjustment and a serious talk with myself to accept my new reality. This was a very hard pill to swallow.

I went from having a successful and rewarding business in which we were able to travel around the world, then in a flash, I was unable to do the simplest of tasks like putting on a shirt or a pair of shoes. It was quite a comedown.

In the past, my biggest challenges might have been increasing my sales, or introducing new products for my business. Then all of a sudden I was faced with major challenges like learning to walk again, or take a shower.

So my goals became challenging the number of stair steps I could manage, or walking all the way to the end of my 40 foot long driveway? Maybe it was as simple as picking up a towel from the floor, or lifting a jar of peanut butter off the second shelf. To most people, those are very simplistic tasks, but to me, they were real struggles. I became very focused on meeting and mastering my goals and was proud of how I progressed. 

Setting goals and marking achievements was my way of keeping score. Who was going to win today? Was it me, or was it that jar of peanut butter?

 

11: Standing Up To My Fears

I have had many times when I was very afraid of a procedure I had to go through. I think it is only natural when doctors are slicing and dicing your body to be worried about what could go wrong.

There were times when I had to suck it up and face my fears and get on with it. This can be extremely difficult to do sometimes, but having the information you need to make decisions means I was in a better place to do that.

However, many times the decision was out of my hands. For example, when I had to undergo an emergency procedure.

This happened to me numerous times. Honestly, I maintain a high degree of confidence in the medical professionals that I have come into contact with and I simply have to put my faith in them. Yes, it can be a gamble at times, but what else can I do other than to try to screw up my courage and face my fears head on, and quite honestly, hope for the best. 

12: Staying Distracted

It is very important for me to find distractions to keep my mind off my pain and stress whenever possible. I’m not a big TV watcher, so that idea was out.

I get a lot of value out of writing about just anything at all. Most of the time, I’ll write something and then just toss it away. This is partly because my stroke left my sense of concentration and memory severely impacted. I’ll spend hours writing something and when I go back and review it, I’ll think to myself, this sounds very familiar. Well of course it sounded familiar because I wrote the same thing yesterday and completely forgot that I did!

So staying distracted and concentrating has been a real challenge for me. Fortunately Joyce came up with the perfect solution - Scrabble! We play everyday at 10:30 in the morning and I have to admit I was terrible at the game when we first started, I have come a long way since.

I have to give her the credit she deserves, she is the de facto champion of the Scrabble Olympics in our home. However we have come close to turning it into a full contact sport at times when there’s a dispute about whether a word is legal or not.

But to give myself a bit of credit, when I first started to play, I would maybe manage to win one out of every fifty games (or was she just feeling sorry for me and let me win?), but I have elevated my skill set to winning two or three out of fifty games! Mathematically, that’s up to a 300% increase!

The game certainly is a distraction for me, keeping my mind occupied and away from any negative thoughts. It also helps with my memory in recalling words and how to spell them.

Scrabble, writing, or anything else I can do that gets my mind off my issues and thinking positive is a good thing.     

13: Beware The Messenger

Fear of the unknown can be debilitating. Well it certainly was for me not knowing what type of things my doctors were going to do to me, or have me do to myself. I will not lie to you, I have been terrified at times of what was coming next.

For example, my urologist said that she was going to schedule my first (of many) Cystoscopy. I was told that she was going to insert a camera into my bladder to see how it was healing weeks after the emergency surgery.

I imagined that the bladder was like a water balloon, and it had basically exploded inside me during my initial trip and fall accident. 

Fair enough I thought, a simple look and see type follow up. 

Unfortunately, I mistakenly assumed that the big scar on the lower half of my belly would also be the entry route she would take to enter the bladder. I was clueless about the procedure. I asked her to confirm that my assessment of the procedure was correct, and to my horror, she set me straight. She would push a small camera into my bladder alright, but not through my belly. She was going to push it up where urine normally comes out!

Now you might think that after going through emergency surgery on my personal plumbing system, I would be used to the attention I was about to receive. Not so much, as everything performed on me during the operation was while I was knocked out under general anesthesia.

When she told me how and where the camera would travel inside me, I was to put it mildly, terrified!

I have to admit I do have a tendency to overthink things, which brings out the worst in me. I have come to learn to listen to trained professionals who know what they're talking about, and not some of the so-called self-proclaimed experts on the internet chat groups. 

Unfortunately, some of my “research” came from posts on Facebook and just made my fears even worse. I read a number of horror stories about cystoscopies but there’s a huge difference between credible professional advice and everyday opinions on the internet.

So now I try to always get my information from the experts. Once armed with the facts, it is much easier for me to make informed decisions.

If you want a chuckle about my first cystoscopy, check out a my piece I wrote called “You Want to Put WHAT, UP WHERE? in the "A Funny Thing Happened Section"

 14: Taking Inventory

Trying to maintain my mental balance was very difficult at times. It was too easy to become overwhelmed when I was be constantly shuttled around to doctor appointments and hospital visits. I needed a safe mental space where I could turn the world off for a while.

Watching the news reminded me of how fortunate I actually was when I saw folks half way around the world whose daily survival might depend on a 10 mile walk to find water, or have to line up for hours in the scorching heat, or freezing cold to receive a pittance of food to feed their family. Meanwhile I had a tap with clean water and a fridge just feet away for me. This would remind me of the phrase, "But there but the grace of God, go I!"

I would then mentally have a talk with myself and get on with my life that day! It was good for my soul!

As part of my taking inventory, I make sure do my version of the proverbial "Stop and Small the Roses". I constantly make a conscious point of noticing when the weather is nice and sunny, or watching the wild bunnies in our backyard start chasing each other like something out of a NASCAR race!

We have a public park directly behind our home with a nice children's playground. I just love to hear the little ones laughing and playing on the swings and slides and jungle gyms. It warms my heart and reminds me of when my own children and grandchildren were young.

These some of the very simple pleasures that I am so grateful for. They remind me that even though I may be having a bad day, there is still joy out in the world.

15: Hit The Road Jack

Getting out of the house is very important for me. I really find it very beneficial for my mental state to just get in the car and go for a drive. If there's some sort of free event taking place like a car or art show I'll wander around it for an hour or two.

We are fortunate that we have water fairly close to us, so a simple walk along the river or feeding the ducks at a local pond is good for my soul and does wonders for me.

16: Don’t Quit!

This may be one of the most important tips I can pass along. As the old adage states, “You’re not beat until you quit, so don’t quit”. 

Now this sounds a lot easier said than done, and it is. I’ve been through no shortage of dark times, but rightly or not, I had to keep looking for the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.

I witnessed a strange lesson in stick-to-itiveness from the most unlikely of events of places.

 

I have two bushes in front of my porch and there is a spider that is relentless in building large webs that cover the entire bushes making the web look like a bride’s wedding veil.

I have taken a broom and cleared those webs off every day for weeks and yet every morning when I sit out on the porch and have my coffee, I look at those bushes, they are covered with webs! No matter how many times I destroy that spider’s work, it builds new webs every single day. That is determination! 

As much as I don’t like the webs, I have developed a level of respect for the amount of fortitude that one little spider has. That is the sort of thing that gives me the willpower to keep going, no matter how many times I get knocked down!

I will admit that there are times when the thought of giving up was very tempting, but when I think about my wife and what her life would be like if I did give up, I knew I couldn’t quit. I know I won’t be around forever, but it is my responsibility to at least give it my best shot at sticking around. 

I’m sure you have someone that needs you to give it your best shot, if not, do it for yourself. 

17: Staying Positive!

I have to admit, this can be a really tough one for me to carry the torch of positivity at times. Generally I take things as they come, but every once in a while I will fall into a funk where the combined weight of my journey come crashing down on me hard.

I wish I could tell you I had some super secret to get out of my worry state but I don't. The best I can do is sleep it off. I have learned that when I am exhausted, my brain goes to a bad place, where I know it shouldn't.

Other than that, my best defense against the Worried Man’s Blues is occupying my mind with any one of the many other distractions I’ve already discussed.

The key for me is to recognize when I’m starting to fall into that dark mindset before I do or say something I shouldn't and make a bad situation worse.

Good luck with this one!

Thank You for Reading My Story!

I truly hope you can take something from my words to help you in your time of need. This can be a terrible situation we find ourselves in and all we can do is try our best to make those bad days we all have, into better days!

I sincerely wish you the very best in your own journey!

Kenneth

Wait, there's more!

If you need a chuckle after all his serious stuff, HERE are some of my lighter comedic writings based on my many medical adventures and misadventures you might enjoy

********************************************** Comments

If you have any questions or comments I invite you to send them to me by entering them in the "Questions or Comments" in field located in the Top-Right corner of this Blog.

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