Now it's time to share the 17 ways that I use to help me cope with the stress, pain and anxiety of my medical issues and hopefully make your bad days a little better.
These are not in any particular order as they have all been equal in their positive effects on my physical and mental state. I encourage you to consider each one and discover what works best for you.
My goal of sharing these techniques is to provide you with some mental relief and keep your stress levels to a minimum.
1: Accepting The Way Things Are
When I came out of my initial operation to fix my crushed bladder and shattered shoulder after my trip and fall accident, I did not know how my life would be forever changed. It wasn’t until a few months later when it was determined that I would not be able to urinate naturally for the rest of my life.
When I had my stroke and could not walk or do many normal life functions, I slowly began to understand what my capabilities would be going forward.
When I was diagnosed with cancer, I didn’t know if I would live or for how long.
All of these were life altering events that I had to somehow come to terms with. I decided to accept my situation and get on with it. I was better off accepting my new reality, than denying it.
The stroke was a hard one to deal with because it took a long time to regain some of my former physical and mental functionality, some of which I continue to work on to this day. I don’t like it, but it is what it is, and there’s nothing I can do to change that other than try to move forward.
The cancer was no different because I was initially told that the cancer could kill me in nine months unless I proceeded with the doctor’s recommendations. I had to accept all those realities and fortunately I’m still here to tell you about it.
I consider this one of the most important steps I finally accepted. Once I did, I started my personal journey towards progress.
2: Changes in Gratitude - Changes in Attitude
I am extremely grateful and fortunate to have had the medical team around me that I have had over the past four years. Without exception every doctor, specialist, technician, nurse and support staff have been outstanding in every sense of the word. I have no idea how they can remain so upbeat and positive every day when surrounded by such pain and misery.
I cannot claim any credit for their sunny dispositions by me trying to remain upbeat whenever possible and not be a complainer. I think it must come naturally for them.
I learned many years ago that the reactions we receive from others in any interactions, is usually a direct reflection of how we project ourselves to them. If I'm projecting a miserable disposition, it shouldn't surprise me if they have a negative response to that.
I have witnessed many cases of patients who have no respect for the work that our medical professionals do for us. They curse and swear at medical staff, yelling that they don't know what they're doing, or that they are only in it for the money, and then they wonder why those professionals aren't so keen to want to help them.
We see these types of interactions in all walks of life and I don't understand how someone could expect to be greeted with a smile and treated with respect after berating someone with a super sized helping of profanities, rudeness and insults.
I know that when we are in pain or very stressed, it may be easy to vent our frustrations, but I try to take a deep breath and remember that I will always receive in return what I project, and that positive gratitude on my part creates a positive attitude.
3: Walk Around The Block
I am not a big fan of traditional exercise and I have the body to prove it. The type of exercise that I do enjoy however is going for walks around my neighborhood whenever the weather cooperates. I find it really helps me relax and gets me out of the house.
I have met many other folks on the route that I walk who also have a variety of medical issues, and we will walk together and chat about anything that get our minds off our troubles.
I am very comfortable striking up conversations with pretty much anyone. Even if I don’t know them, we will share a nod of the head to acknowledge each other, say hello, and maybe comment on the weather. Then I look for a simple light conversation starter.
For example, if I see they have a piece of garden equipment I’m not familiar with, I’ll ask them about it. Just recently I have been thinking about buying a battery powered lawn mower and I noticed a guy around the corner from my house using one, so I simply asked, “How do you like your new mower?” or “Do these mowers have enough charge in them to do your entire lawn without running out of power?”
Nothing probing, just a friendly chat between neighbors. Often a causal neighborly relationship is formed over time that we both benefit from.
I have met dozens of nice folks like this and ultimately I often discover that they are also dealing with medical issues. I guess that’s par for the course when we there's so many of us who are getting up in years. Relationships like this really are good for me to keep me relaxed me and get my mind off my troubles.
Now I must say that my original trip and fall accident, strokes and cancer has negatively impacted my ability to walk and greatly reduced my stamina. I tend to get very tired after a certain amount of walking and often look like I’m inebriated as I stagger and swagger down the sidewalk. I make sure to explain that I’ve not been into the sauce during my early morning walks.
My other preference for exercise is golf.
Joyce and I used to be very avid golfers before I was sick and although I am no longer able to walk an eighteen or even a nine hole course, I now have to take a power riding golf cart.
Sure it is not the same amount of exercise I used to get years ago when we did walk most courses, but I’m getting outside in the fresh air and sun, smelling the flowers and listening to the birds. This does me a world of good by helping me forget about my health for a few hours.
I cannot golf anywhere near as well as I used to, but at least I’m enjoying myself, plus I find that golf is a very social game when we team up with another couple for a round! I find it very therapeutic!
I’m sure there are many other types of physical exercises for those that have different interests and physical abilities but walking and golf are a blessing for me.
4: Getting Crafty
I have a very strong need to be creatively productive. My first choice for releasing my creative energy is writing short stories. Some of these are humorous (well I think they are funny:-) and some are inspired by the old episodes of The Twilight Zone TV show I used to watch back in the 1960s. I don't ever expect to become another Stephen King or Dave Barry, but I find it very relaxing to write.
Because I spent the last 20 years of my working life as professional landscape photographer where my creativity took the form of the visual, I miss the challenges of that and I will still take my camera with me when I'm out and about.
I started compiling the thousands of our family and vacation photographs into simple slideshows and turning them into Youtube videos that we can watch on TV to be enjoyed for years as wonderful memories.
I have a lot of other interests as well, including experimenting with cooking recipes. Some are hits with Joyce, but let's just say, you can't win 'em all:-)
I use to do simple woodworking projects like building curio cabinets, pirate treasure chests and hope chests for my kids and nephews, but I don't have those skills anymore unfortunately.
Finally I am still a bit of a Mr. Fixit type of guy. If something like a coffee maker or gas lawn mower stops working, I will have a go at repairing it. I still enjoy a challenge!
5: My Secret to Pain Management
Pain can be debilitating and at times can be relentless and constantly top of mind.
There were many times when I was in a lot of pain after being sliced and diced during operations. My stomach looks like a gutted fish, and my upper arm is scarred from the incisions where they inserted a large stainless steel plate and screws to keep it from falling off.
I was taken off the opioid meds after being discharged from the hospital, so I was popping extra strength pain killers like peanuts when I needed them. I’ve always been very careful with any meds, not wanting to overdo it, by keeping a balance between pain management and needing more relief than necessary. I was aware of what the maximum dosage of Tylenol was and never exceeded it. There were many times that I had to count down the minutes until I could have another pill.
I developed a mind control technique to trick myself into more effective pain relief by telling myself, “I will be in less pain in an hour”. This became very effective and as time went by, I would extend it to longer periods of time before relief came. This did two things, it conditioned me to honestly expect that things were going to be better soon, and it also dramatically increased my tolerance for pain.
I kept this up by telling myself, “I know I’m in pain now, but soon I will not be in pain”, and I really and truly believed it. I found that this was a very powerful and effective tool that I came to rely on for relief.
6: It’s Not Fair
There were times when I might have looked at a situation and feel that what has happened isn’t fair. I’m not sure I understood the logic of that but eventually I come to realize that this is a waste of potential healing energy.
I learned that if I accept the “It’s Not Fair” mantra, then what I would really be saying is, why did this bad thing happen to me? If that’s the case then shouldn’t I also be asking “Why did this good thing happen to me” when something goes right?
I’m sorry, but I am not really an “Oh woe is me” type person. I think it is very self-destructive and counter productive to what I really need to get better and move forward.
I have seen so many people in the health care system over the last few years who are in absolutely terrible shape with horrible disfiguring injuries, illnesses and mental struggles. And to make their situation worse, being alone without a loving and capable caregiver. I cannot allow myself to feel sorry for myself, and therefore the phrase “There but the grace of God go I” springs to mind whenever I see someone in such terrible condition. I am honestly so grateful that my medical issues are trivial compared to others.
So as challenging as my situation has been, I now refuse to say, “What has happened to me is “Not Fair! because it could always be worse!
7: Swapping War Stories
I am a real big believer in sharing my story. Just the act of talking about what I am going through is very therapeutic for me.
I have a very good friend Bob, whom I share my concerns and stresses with, and he does the same with me. It makes for a bond of easy conversation between us as we work through our medical events.
This relationship has been a very positive win-win for both of us by sharing our stories, we know we’re not unique or alone in our concerns.
I have another friend that I call my “Cancer Buddy”. His cancer is very different from mine, but we have both benefited by sharing our experiences with our health care. Unfortunately he had to move to the other side of the country last year and the last I heard, his situation has worsened. We used to have long walks and I know I always felt better after sharing our updates. I know he did as well.
I have no trouble striking up a conversation with other patients I meet during my hospital and clinic visits. I am also aware that not everyone wants to talk about their condition. I try to not be that person who shares their entire medical history with someone moments after first meeting.
In fact, sharing my story is what I’m doing right now in this blog!
I am equally interested in hearing other people’s stories of their own medical journeys. I find it is very helpful when it helps ease the minds of fellow patients that are confronted with the anxiety of the multitude of treatment options and tests.
8: Laugh and The World Laughs At Me
I have no problem laughing at myself, in fact self-deprecating humor is my style!
Maybe it is a defense mechanism to laugh at myself as a way to combat my stresses of some of the treatments I have had to endure. Either way, it helps me, but there is an added bonus for me when I share some of my comical situations with others, it helps them feel better about things. That is a bonus for me!
If you need a chuckle and want to read a couple of my anecdotes about some of my medical "adventures" click HERE:
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